Tears of Autumn
by lilndjames4ever
Summary: What would I know about love? Well that's what I'm here to tell you. My only regret is not realizing what was in front of my face for six years.
1. Prolouge

Night is a beautiful time. It's so peaceful and quiet. It's also when I like to do most of my important thinking. Everything from the meaning of life to if there really is such a thing as true love. That seems to be one of my most thought of topics, love. For good reason too. Love is such a paradox. It's ugly yet beautiful. It's laughter yet tears. Love is wonderful. What would I know about love? Well that's what I'm here to tell you. My only regret is not realizing what was in front of my face for six years.


	2. Chapter 1: Heart Attacks

Chapter 1: Heart Attacks

The train whistle blew as I hurried on to Platform 9 ¾. _This is the last time I'll be boarding the train... the last time at the place I've called home for the past six years._ I thought.

I walked down the hall, trying to find an empty compartment, when I heard my name being called.

"Lily!... Lily wait!" I turned around to see one of my best friends running towards me.

"Hey Beth!" I waved.

"Oh my gosh, Lily!" she said hurriedly as she came up to me. "You won't believe what I heard! Oh! How was your summer? Mine was good. My family and I went to the Bahamas! And you won't believe who I saw there—"

"Beth!" I yelled (yelling was the only way to get her to stop talking). "Calm down!"

She took a deep breath. "So how was your summer?" she asked as we started walking to find a compartment.

"It was ok, kinda boring though. I'm just glad to be back."

"I can't believe it's our last year at Hogwarts."

"I know! The years have gone by so fast, but I know this year will be the best one yet."

"How do you know that?" Beth asked as we sat down in probably the last empty compartment on the train.

"I don't _know_ exactly... I can just feel it. Wait, what time is it?" I asked.

"Umm..." she said as she looked at her watch. "About 11:15, why?"

"I'm suppose to be in the Head's compartment five minutes!"

"Oh my gosh! I totally forgot you're Head Girl! That reminds me... don't have a heart attack when you see who the Head Boy is."

"Why, who is it?" Came my muffled reply as I pulled on my school robes.

"You'll see." Came her childish reply as I pinned my Head Girl badge to my robe. I didn't have time to try to get it out of her when she obviously wasn't going to tell me without a fight.

"Bye!" I said as I hurried out of our compartment. I had less than a minute to get to the Head's compartment.

When I opened the door there was no one there, so I sat on one of the seats next to the window. Mountains passed by as I wondered about who the Head Boy could be. Beth said not to have a heart attack when I found out... why?

My thoughts slowly drifted to the school year. It was going to be a memorable one, that I was sure of. I just had this feeling. _I'm really going to miss this school._ I thought as I heard the trolley roll past. _Where is he?_ It had to have been at least ten minutes since I had gotten to the compartment, that would make him at least ten minutes late. _Not a good way to make a first impression... What if he's a incompetent jerk who won't help me do anything and just abuse his privileges?_ Now I was getting worried. _Don't worry, Dumbledore knows what he's doing. But what if he's going senile? He is pretty old..._ My thoughts were interrupted by the door opening.

"Hey," he said.

_Scratch what I said before, Dumbledore is DEFINITELY out of his mind._

"This is the Head's compartment. You're not suppose to be here." I replied acidly.

"Oh, I think I'm in the right place," he said, tapping the shiny badge pinned to his robes that read 'HB'.

I tried to follow Beth's advice, I really did. But Dumbledore must really be going senile, I was now totally convinced of that. I mean, how could he make James Potter Head Boy?!


	3. Chapter 2: All Smiles

Chapter 2: All Smiles 

_Nooo!_ My head was screaming. _How could that irresponsible jerk become Head Boy!?_

The door opened again and the prefects walked in before I could say anything. I had to calm myself down, I had to tell the prefects what to do. I took a deep breath and was about to stand up when James started talking.

"Ok everyone, I'm not going to make a big speech or anything, I just want to say welcome back and congrats on becoming prefects. I'm James Potter and this is Lily Evans," he said as he took my hand and pulled me off the seat. "We're Head Boy and Girl this year. I know you want to get back to your friends so I'll make this short— on the train you'll have to patrol from time to time. Then there's a short meeting after dinner tonight in the Transfiguration classroom. Ok, you guys can leave, that's pretty much it. Oh, just don't abuse your privileges, ok?" he said as the prefects walked out.

I was stunned, speechless, amazed. He had actually acted mature and he even told them not to abuse their privileges!

"So how was your summer?" he asked once we were seated and the prefects gone.

"Was this the real James Potter? Was he actually trying to have a real conversation with me?

"It was good, but I'm happy to be back," I said. "How was yours?"

"Oh," he looked caught off guard. "It was... ok." Something about the way he said it told me it wasn't ok, but far from it. I decided not to press the issue. I heard the trolley roll past again.

"Are you hungry?" James asked.

"Umm... yeah, a little." He got up and went outside. He came back with an armful of treats.

"You can have however many you want," he said.

"Thanks," was all I could say.

We spent the whole time just talking. I never realized before how easy it was to talk to him. That was probably because I had never had a real conversation with him before. I also noticed how funny he was. Looking back, I realize the whole train ride I had a smile on my face. All because of James.

It was dark outside and I knew we were almost there. I was amazed at how fast the time flew by. The door opened and bounding in came Bath and my other best friend, Annabel.

"Lily! Where have you been? You won't believe what— Oh! Hey James!" Beth said.

Annabel was looking between me and James. Her first expression of question suddenly changed to that of understanding. She then smiled.

"What?" I asked Annabel.

"Nothing..." she replied. "So how was your summer?"

The train came to a stop. I was about to reply when Beth grabbed both me and Annabel by the arm and started dragging us toward the door.

"Bye Lily. I guess I'll see you tonight," James said.

"Bye," I said. "And thank you." I said a lot quieter. It was that moment that my eyes met his. I knew in that instant James had really changed.

We actually got a carriage by ourselves.

"So..." Beth said.

"So what?" I questioned.

"You just spent eight hours in the same compartment as James without killing him. How do you feel?"

"Yeah, so? He actually... changed." I said.

Beth smiled. "So did he ask you out?"

That's when it him me. I just spent eight hours alone with the James Potter and had actually had a good time. And the amazing part of it was, not once did he ask me out.

"Well did he?"

"No."

"It's a miracle."

"Yeah, yeah it is..."

"He's definitely changed," Beth said.

"Yeah," _For the better._

I noticed Annabel hadn't said anything the whole ride, but she'd been looking very pleased with herself ever since we got off the train.


	4. Chapter 3: Tell me please?

_**A/N: Please review! Even just to let me know you read it or whether you liked it or not.**_

Chapter 3: Tell me... please?

After Dumbeldore's speech and dinner, I headed towards the Transfiguration classroom for the meeting. It turned out I was the first on there, again. But as soon as I walked in, someone came up behind me and covered my eyes.

"Guess who," James whispered in my ear. It sent a chill down my spine. _What's going on with me?_ I wondered. I smiled nonetheless. I turned to face him.

It was then when I noticed how brown his eyes were. A deep, velvet brown. I also saw something in them, pain. For some reason unknown to me at the time, I wanted to know why he was hurt, what had happened, but most of all, I wanted to make him feel better: to comfort him. I don't know how long we were standing there, but it was when one of the prefects walked in that I noticed my hands were in his. Coming out of my trance, I pulled my hands away and went and sat down. He sat next to me. Somehow I didn't mind like I usually did. Actually, it was kind of nice.

McGonagall came in and started talking about our duties and everything. She then dismissed the prefects, so there was only me and James left.

"The first thing that you two will be organizing is the Hogsmeade trip. What you need to figure out is the date and that's pretty much it. You can also start thinkg about the Halloween feast. You, along with the prefects, will be helping with the decorations. Any questions?"

"No, Professor," I replied.

McGonagall looked at James. "Nope," he said.

"Ok, then. Goodnight. I know you two will make a great team." And with that, she left us. **_(A/N: And no, they're not going to have their own dorm with just the two of them. I don't think any teacher in their right mind would put a guy, a girl, and their hormones in their own dorm, even if they did hate each other.)_**

"So when do you want to get together to work on that stuff?" I asked.

"Umm, maybe sometime next week?" he suggested.

"Ok, how about Wednesday night?"

"No," James said a lot quicker than his laid-back self usually did. "How about Tuesday night instead?"

"Yeah... yeah that works." I was confused about James' behavior, though I don't know why I noticed something such as trivial as his quickened response, he sounded almost nervous.

"Well, it's getting late. I'll see you tomorrow," I said.

"Can I walk with you?"

"Sure," I said.

As we walked down the hall, we just talked about nothing in particular. I was unconsiously really enjoying his company. We somehow got on the subject of Quidditch. I actually enjoyed the sport much more than I let on. For example, I had been to every Quidditch game since first year, but I never mentioned that to anyone, not even Beth or Annabel, but they've bound to have noticed by now. I would never play it though, I'm not the greatest fan of heights.

"...and practice starts next month," James finished saying.

"When's the first game?" I questioned.

"Determined not to miss a game, aren't you?"

"What do you mean?" I said, though I knew that he knew, but I wondered how he knew.

"You've been to every game."

"You noticed?" I asked, sounding a lot more surprised than I intended.

"I notice a lot of things," he said quietly.

"Like what?

"Like whenever you take a test you always twirl your hair nervously around you finger, even though you know the material."

"Do I really do that?'

"Yep," he said. "Candy corn," he said to the Fat Lady.

We climbed in the portrait hole. I didn't want this night to end.

"I guess this is goodnight," James said.

"I guess so. Well, goodnight." I started up the stairs. About halfway up I felt eyes on me and I looked back down. At the botttom of the stairs, James was standing there, watching me. I looked into his eyes again and something else was there, more vibrant than before: despair. I smiled and continued my way up. I was in love, hopelessly in love, my prince charming had come, and I didn't even know it.

Everyone was alseep when I got to my dorm. I looked at the clock. It read 1:22. _No wonder._ I thought to myself. I pulled on my pajamas and then checked the calandar to see what was so important about Wednesday. Ther was nothing written but "Full Moon". I shook my head and decided it must just be some stupid prank they were going to pull. So I climbed into bed and quickly fell asleep.

I had been asleep some time when I suddenly sat up in my bed... I knew.

That morning I woke up early, took a shower, and put on some lip gloss (I didn't like makeup). Beth was questioning me about James, a new hobby of hers.

"So what happened?"

"Nothing," I said calmly.

"Yes it did."

"No it didn't." I was starting to get annoyed.

"Yes it did."

"No it didn't."

"Yes it did."

"No it didn't."

"Yes it d—."

"Shut up!" Annabel yelled. She was not a morning person. Beth frowned.

"Are you sure?" We grabbed our bags and headed down to breakfast.

"Yes," I said firmly.

"If you say so."

When we got to the Great Hall I had to help hand out schedules.

"Good morning," James said, coming up to me.

"Good morning," I echoed back. It's when I remembered. I had no intention of telling James that I knew, or even Remus. Obviously, what I was thinking showed on my face.

"What?" James asked.

"Huh?" I was caught up in my thoughts and had forgotten he was there. "Oh... nothing."

"Yes something," he said.

"No, it's nothing. We better hand these out," I said as I grabbed Gryffindor's pile and started towards the table.

James grabbed my arm. Another chill. _What the heck?_

"No," he said, "it's something. What is it?" he said, like he was trying to coax it out of me.

"Nothing I told you."

"What does it have to do with me?"

"How would you know it has something to do with you?"

"You haven't looked at me since you got here." Crap, I just realized I had been staring at the floor the whole time.

"It's nothing," I said yet again.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me."

"Fine, it's not a big deal anyway."

"Then why won't you tell me?"

"Because... I don't know..." _Why don't I want to tell him? I gues I don't want him worrying that I'm going to tell. Or maybe he won't talk to me anymore... wait, what do I care if he talks to me or not?_ It sure seemed I didn't know a lot of things lately.

"Well then you can at least tell me, since it has something to do with me."

"Not exactly... I mean, you already know what I'm going to tell you anyway."

"What is it?" His hand was still on my arm. And I had no intention of moving it.

I lowered my vioce so no one would overhear. I don't care about that kind of stuff, but I'm sure a lot of other people would, but I still can't see why.

"I know about Remus." James paled considerably at this.

"Exactly what about Remus?"

"That he's a werew—"

"Ok, ok... not so loud. How'd you find out?"

"You."

"Me?"

"Yeah, you didn't want to meet on Wednesday."

"You figured that out ust based on that?"

"No... I've wondered about hime for a while. Always sick. I'm amazed tother people odn't know... I'm surprised it took me this long."

"Me too," he said.

"So all you guys know about him?"

"Yea, just me, Sirius, Peter, Madam Pomfrey and of course Dumbledore."

"I won't tell anyone. I just want you, and Remus, to know I don't care."

"I knew you wouldn't."

"We better hand these out," I said.

"Yeah... so that's all?"

"Yeah, why?"

"No reason, just wondering."

"Ok." The color came back to his face.

"Hey!" I said as I sat down next to Annabel. Beth looked up from her plate.

"Nothing's going on?" she asked.

"No! Now just drop it."

"Jeez... temper, matches your hair."

"So are you and James friends?" Annabel asked.

"Yeah, I guess so. I consider us friends." I said.

Annabel smiled. "I've got to go, I'll be back later."

"Ok, bye." Beth said. We looked at each other confused.


End file.
